how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
