I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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