My pussy is not your playground.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
