It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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