did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
