i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
