At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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