remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
