I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
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we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
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I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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