youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
