I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
