Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
