he thought i was a dude.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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