just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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