if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
