Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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