How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
