Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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