The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
