If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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