It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
