there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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