So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
