Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
