Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am available for nakedness
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
