fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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