We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
