My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
