So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
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Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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