I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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