I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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