I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
