Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
