Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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