i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
