"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
