dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
