I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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