just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
