I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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