If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I cut my penus on the lid.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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