it's too hot outside to masturbate.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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