I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I deserve this hangover.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
