Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she peed on how many people?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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