u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
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I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
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You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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