your thong is hanging out like whoa
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
