I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
cat food counts as protein by the way
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
