he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am puke
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
