marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
