I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
