Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
