He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
