He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
