i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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