when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
