Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If that was your dad, he is hot
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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