It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
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The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
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I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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