we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
