evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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