GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
