And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
