I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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