I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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