he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
