somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
