Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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