i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
