You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I hate all girls vehemently.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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