dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
