I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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