I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
