there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
