We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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