I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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