The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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