she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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