I queefed so loud it echoed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
