im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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