I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
