hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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