So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
